The Gray Divorce Podcast: Episode 102 AI and Gray Divorce with Nicole Sodoma
Artificial intelligence isn't going anywhere, and its influence is beginning to reach virtually every aspect of our lives—including divorce.
Andrew and Nicole explore an important question:
When it comes to gray divorce, is AI a friend or a foe?
Nicole's answer is both.
Used responsibly, AI can help divorcing individuals become more educated, organized, and prepared before meeting with expensive professionals. Used incorrectly, however, it can provide inaccurate legal information, create privacy concerns, encourage people to rely on technology for decisions it isn't equipped to make, and potentially even create new evidentiary challenges in court.
AI Can Help You Become a Better-Informed Client
One of the greatest opportunities Nicole sees is using AI for education and preparation.
Divorce involves an entirely new vocabulary, particularly when finances are involved.
AI can help explain concepts such as:
- Traditional vs. Roth IRAs
- Term vs. whole life insurance
- Qualified vs. non-qualified retirement plans
- Financial account terminology
- Basic divorce and financial concepts
Instead of spending expensive professional time defining terminology, clients can arrive with a basic understanding and spend that time discussing what actually matters:
What is best for you and your future?
AI can help you develop better questions. Your attorney and financial professionals can then help you find the right answers.
AI and the Financial Side of Gray Divorce
This can be particularly valuable during gray divorce because one spouse may have handled most of the household finances throughout the marriage.
Suddenly, the other spouse may be expected to understand:
- Investment accounts
- Retirement plans
- Insurance
- Taxes
- Property division
- Financial statements
There's no reason to be embarrassed about not knowing.
As Nicole explains from her own experience, long-term marriages naturally involve a division of responsibilities. One spouse may simply have handled the family's finances while the other focused elsewhere.
AI can provide a low-pressure way to begin learning and preparing questions before meeting with a financial advisor or attorney.
Using AI to Get Organized
Divorce can involve an overwhelming amount of financial documentation.
Andrew and Nicole discuss AI's ability to help organize and summarize information, potentially making it easier to:
- Review account information
- Summarize documents
- Identify gaps
- Organize financial records
- Prepare questions for advisors and attorneys
Better organization may also mean lower professional fees.
Rather than paying an attorney to explain basic financial vocabulary or sort through poorly organized information, clients can potentially use professional time for higher-value legal and strategic conversations.
Can AI Help You Communicate With Your Ex?
One of Nicole's favorite uses of AI is surprisingly simple:
Writing better emails.
Nicole shares that she has personally used AI to improve communication with her own co-parent.
Divorce communication can quickly become emotionally charged. One person may over-explain, include unnecessary opinions, use words that can be misinterpreted, or unintentionally trigger a defensive response.
AI can help:
- Remove emotional language
- Make messages more concise
- Identify wording that could be misinterpreted
- Make requests more neutral
- Reframe potentially triggering questions
The goal isn't to let AI speak for you.
It's to use AI as an editing tool to help you communicate more effectively.
AI Can Explain Legal Language—But It Isn't Your Lawyer
Have a paragraph in a legal document that makes absolutely no sense?
AI may be able to translate complicated legal language into plain English.
But Nicole offers an important warning:
Don't assume AI understands the law that applies to your case.
Divorce laws vary dramatically from state to state. Certain provisions may be included in agreements because a particular state's law requires them—even when they seem unnecessary or confusing.
Nicole compares AI to looking up symptoms online before visiting a doctor.
It can help you become informed.
It shouldn't diagnose the problem.
Don't Ask AI to Make Your Divorce Decisions
There's an enormous difference between asking:
"What's the difference between a Roth IRA and a traditional IRA?"
and asking:
"Should I keep the house?"
The first is an educational question.
The second is a major life decision requiring an understanding of your complete financial, legal, and personal circumstances.
AI doesn't know:
- Your complete financial situation
- Your lifestyle
- Your family dynamics
- Your emotional priorities
- Your judge
- Your attorney's strategy
- What will allow you to sleep peacefully at night
Use AI to educate yourself, not to outsource your judgment.
AI Cannot Replace Human Support
Divorce can be incredibly isolating, and that vulnerability creates another potential concern.
Andrew and Nicole discuss the growing phenomenon of people developing emotional relationships with AI companions.
For someone experiencing loneliness, embarrassment, abuse, or isolation during divorce, a chatbot may feel like a safe and judgment-free place to turn.
But Nicole cautions that AI should never replace:
- A therapist
- Friends
- Adult children
- Family
- Faith communities
- Other trusted human relationships
Technology can provide information.
It cannot replace genuine human connection and support.
Your AI Conversation May Not Be Confidential
Perhaps one of the most important warnings in the episode:
Don't assume your conversations with AI are privileged or confidential.
The protections that exist between a client and attorney do not automatically apply to conversations with an AI chatbot.
That means you should be extremely cautious about entering sensitive information involving:
- Your spouse
- Financial circumstances
- Legal strategy
- Personal allegations
- Information that could damage your credibility
Nicole compares this concern to the advice she previously shared regarding social media.
Just because a conversation feels private doesn't mean you should treat it as legally protected.
Why State-Specific Divorce Law Matters
Divorce law varies enormously by jurisdiction.
Andrew and Nicole discuss differences involving:
- Equitable distribution vs. community property
- Alimony
- Asset valuation
- Dates of valuation and division
- Retirement accounts
- Support obligations
- Treatment of specific assets
Nicole shares the example of how 529 education accounts may be treated under North Carolina law and how changes in the law can dramatically affect whether and how those assets are considered during divorce.
She also discusses financial support for adult children. What a family traditionally chose to pay for during the marriage may not carry the same legal priority once spouses separate.
AI may not understand these nuances—or may confidently provide information based on the wrong jurisdiction.
Education Is Still One of AI's Greatest Strengths
Despite the risks, neither Andrew nor Nicole believes people should avoid AI.
Quite the opposite.
Used correctly, it can help someone who feels overwhelmed begin understanding unfamiliar concepts.
Instead of burying your head in the sand, AI can help you learn enough to ask:
- Why is my advisor recommending this?
- What are my alternatives?
- What does this terminology mean?
- What questions should I be asking?
Being educated doesn't mean becoming your own attorney or financial advisor.
It means becoming a more informed participant in your own divorce.
Deepfakes, Altered Images, and the Future of Divorce Evidence
The conversation also turns toward one of AI's more unsettling implications:
Can we still trust what we see and hear?
AI can now manipulate:
- Photographs
- Video
- Audio
- Written content
Nicole explains that the rules of evidence haven't necessarily changed, but how evidence is authenticated will have to evolve.
Judges and attorneys may increasingly need to ask whether photos, recordings, screenshots, and other evidence have been altered or AI-generated.
Courts will be navigating these technological changes in real time.
AI, Recordings, and Courtroom Evidence
AI-powered devices can now quietly:
- Record conversations
- Produce transcripts
- Summarize discussions
That creates an entirely new set of questions.
Was the recording legally obtained?
Is the transcript accurate?
Did the AI summary leave out important context?
Can the information be admitted into evidence?
Technology may make capturing and summarizing information easier, but that doesn't automatically make the resulting material accurate, legal, or admissible in court.
Key Takeaways
- Use AI to learn vocabulary, organize information, and become better educated.
- AI can help you prepare better questions for your attorney and financial advisor.
- AI can be a useful tool for making communication with an ex-spouse less emotional and more productive.
- Don't rely on AI for state-specific legal advice.
- Don't ask AI to make major financial or divorce decisions for you.
- Be extremely careful about entering sensitive personal or legal information into AI tools.
- AI cannot replace attorneys, financial advisors, therapists, or genuine human support.
- AI-generated and AI-modified evidence will create new challenges for family courts.
- The goal isn't to fear AI—it's to use it responsibly.
Final Thoughts
AI can be an incredibly powerful tool during gray divorce—but only when we understand its role.
Nicole's advice is to think of AI as an assistant.
Use it to learn.
Use it to organize.
Use it to prepare.
Use it to ask better questions.
But don't hand over your judgment or your most important decisions.
The future of AI and divorce will continue to evolve quickly. The people who benefit most won't necessarily be those who avoid the technology or blindly trust it. They'll be the ones who learn how to use it thoughtfully while continuing to rely on qualified professionals and real human relationships when they matter most.
Resources
Nicole Sodoma
- Founder, Sodoma Law
- Author of Please Don't Say You're Sorry: An Empowering Perspective on Marriage, Separation, and Divorce from a Marriage-Loving Attorney
- Social Media: Instagram, Facebook & LinkedIn
Andrew Hatherley
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