The Gray Divorce Podcast: Episode 99 The Perils of Social Media in Divorce with Nicole Sodoma

Andrew Hatherley |

Andrew sits down with Nicole Sodoma, founder of Sodoma Law, the largest family law firm in North and South Carolina, to discuss why social media has become one of the most powerful—and dangerous—pieces of evidence in modern divorce cases.

Her message is simple:

"When in doubt, log out."  

Nicole describes herself as a "marriage-loving divorce attorney."

Her goal has never been simply helping people get divorced.

Instead, she believes couples should:

  • Explore every reasonable opportunity to save the marriage.  
  • Understand the difference between difficult seasons and irreparable relationships.  
  • Enter divorce only after thoughtful consideration.  

At the same time, Nicole recognizes an important truth:

It takes two people to stay married—but only one person to decide the marriage is over.  

Your Social Media Is Becoming Evidence

One of Nicole's strongest warnings:

Every social media post is potentially creating an exhibit for court.

That includes:

  • Facebook posts  
  • Instagram photos  
  • Stories  
  • LinkedIn profiles  
  • Location tags  
  • Text messages  
  • Group chats  
  • WhatsApp conversations  

Even posts made by someone else that tag you can become evidence.

As Nicole explains, there is very little online that should be considered truly private during litigation.  

Credibility Matters More Than the Post Itself

Interestingly, Nicole points out that the biggest problem isn't always the content itself.

It's credibility.

If your testimony says one thing while your online presence suggests another, opposing counsel will almost certainly use those inconsistencies to challenge your credibility before the court.

Examples include:

  • Claiming financial hardship while posting luxury vacations.  
  • Listing yourself as retired while LinkedIn shows consulting work.  
  • Posting expensive purchases while negotiating support or asset division.  

Often, the perception created online becomes as important as the actual facts.  

Dating During Divorce: Legal Doesn't Always Mean Wise

One of the most practical discussions centers around dating during separation.

Nicole explains that in states like North Carolina:

  • Dating after legal separation may be permissible.  
  • But publicly displaying a new relationship can still create unintended legal consequences.  

A new relationship can:

  • Increase litigation costs.  
  • Complicate negotiations.  
  • Raise questions about spending marital funds.  
  • Intensify emotions between spouses.  

Her advice:

Just because something is legally allowed doesn't necessarily mean it's strategically wise.  

Settlement Isn't Final Until It's Final

Many people assume that once they reach a verbal agreement or receive a court ruling, they are free to move on publicly.

Nicole cautions against that assumption.

Until:

  • Settlement agreements are signed  
  • Court orders are finalized  
  • Documents are reduced to writing  

…the case may still be vulnerable to unexpected complications.

Posting about a new relationship or dramatic lifestyle changes during this period can potentially disrupt negotiations that seemed settled.  

Adult Children and Social Media

Andrew and Nicole also discuss the often-overlooked impact of gray divorce on adult children.

Nicole believes parents should:

  • Consider how social media affects the entire family.  
  • Think carefully before deleting or changing posts.  
  • Recognize that grandchildren and extended family are also watching.  

She also emphasizes the importance of talking openly with adult children while maintaining healthy boundaries throughout the divorce process.  

Think Before You Like, Share, or Comment

One surprising takeaway:

It's not just what you post.

Your online engagement also tells a story.

Nicole warns listeners to think carefully before:

  • Liking posts  
  • Joining online groups  
  • Commenting in divorce forums  
  • Participating in Facebook support groups  

Even seemingly harmless online activity may later be interpreted differently during litigation.

And remember: 

Nothing online is ever truly temporary—even disappearing stories can be captured with screenshots.  

Nicole's Four Rules for Social Media During Divorce

Nicole closes with four simple guidelines:

1. Take a Social Media Break

Avoid posting before, during, and immediately after your divorce whenever possible.

2. Assume Nothing Is Temporary

Stories, deleted posts, tags, and screenshots can all resurface.

3. Be Careful What You Delete

Deleting content without legal guidance can create additional legal issues.

4. Ask Yourself One Question

"Would I be comfortable if a judge read this in court?"

If the answer is no…

Don't post it.  

Key Takeaways

  • Every social media post may become evidence.  
  • Credibility often matters more than the post itself.  
  • Dating during divorce can increase emotional and financial costs.  
  • Settlement isn't truly complete until documents are signed.  
  • Adult children can unintentionally complicate cases through their own social media activity.  
  • The safest strategy is often to pause social media altogether during divorce.  

Final Thoughts

Social media has changed the landscape of divorce.

What once felt like harmless sharing can quickly become courtroom evidence, increase conflict, and prolong negotiations.

As Nicole Sodoma reminds us, protecting your future sometimes means resisting the urge to document your present.

When emotions are high and legal issues remain unresolved, one simple rule can save enormous stress:

When in doubt, log out.  

Resources

Nicole Sodoma

  • Founder, Sodoma Law  
  • Website: https://www.sodomalaw.com  
  • Book: Please Don't Say You're Sorry: An Empowering Perspective on Marriage, Separation, and Divorce from a Marriage-Loving Attorney  

Andrew Hatherley