The Gray Divorce Podcast: Episode 85 The January Effect - Resolving to Divorce

Andrew Hatherley |

Why January Is “Divorce Month”

Andrew explains that marriages don’t suddenly fail in January—rather, many couples postpone action until the holidays are over. Contributing factors include:

  • A “holiday truce” to avoid disrupting family traditions
  • Financial stress from travel, gifts, and year-end expenses
  • Increased time together that can intensify existing tensions
  • Higher alcohol consumption during the holidays
  • A psychological desire for new beginnings and clean slates

January becomes the moment when long-building decisions finally turn into action.  

New Year Resolutions vs. Divorce Decisions

Andrew draws a powerful comparison between divorce decisions and New Year’s resolutions—most of which fail within weeks.

To avoid a short-lived or poorly executed divorce strategy, he emphasizes the importance of education, preparation, and professional guidance rather than emotional urgency.  

Hiring the Right Divorce Professionals

One of the biggest mistakes people make early in divorce is hiring professionals without understanding their role or philosophy.

Andrew explains:

  • You do need legal advice—but not all attorneys are the same
  • Many attorneys specialize in litigation, while others focus on settlement-based alternatives
  • Options such as mediation, collaborative divorce, and amicable divorce can reduce cost and conflict
  • Most divorces (90–95%) settle before trial—often after unnecessary expense and emotional exhaustion

Choosing the right team early can shape your entire divorce outcome.  

Divorce Is a Legal Process—but It’s Really About Money

Andrew reminds listeners that divorce is often the largest financial transaction of their lives, occurring during an emotionally vulnerable time.

As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), Andrew describes his role as a client’s “Divorce CFO”—helping align settlement decisions with long-term financial security, not just short-term emotions.  

Practical Steps to Take Early in Divorce

Andrew outlines essential actions for anyone considering divorce:

1. Secure Financial Independence

  • Open a bank account in your own name
  • Maintain access to cash
  • Establish credit in your own name

2. Gather Financial Documents

  • Bank and brokerage statements
  • Credit cards and loan documents
  • Tax returns
  • Retirement account statements
  • Mortgage and property records

3. Understand What You Own

  • Know how the house is titled
  • Confirm who is on the mortgage
  • Identify separate vs. marital property

4. Don’t Overlook Hidden or “Small” Assets

  • Frequent flyer miles
  • Vacation or sick pay
  • Side businesses
  • Safe deposit box contents
  • Furniture, jewelry, and hobby equipment

Preparation reduces stress—and legal fees.  

Taxes, Retirement, and Long-Term Planning

Andrew highlights common financial blind spots:

  • Retirement accounts are marital property if funded during marriage
  • Early withdrawals may trigger taxes and penalties
  • Home equity decisions should consider capital gains exclusions
  • Social Security benefits may be available based on an ex-spouse’s earnings after 10 years of marriage

These decisions require coordination between legal, financial, and tax professionals.  

Preparing for Life After Divorce

Beyond finances, Andrew encourages listeners to prepare emotionally and professionally:

  • Create realistic post-divorce budgets
  • Focus on career development and education if needed
  • Build healthy emotional outlets (exercise, walking, meditation)
  • Surround yourself with supportive people
  • Seek professional guidance rather than relying solely on friends or family

Divorce is not just an ending—it’s a transition into a new chapter.  

Key Takeaways

  • January divorce decisions are often years in the making
  • Education and preparation lead to better outcomes
  • Divorce is emotional—but long-term success is financial
  • The right professionals can save time, money, and stress
  • Knowledge is power, especially during major life transitions

Final Thoughts

If divorce is on your agenda for the new year, Andrew reminds listeners that there is a right way to do it—one that prioritizes clarity, confidence, and long-term well-being.

Starting smart in January can make all the difference for the next 20–30 years of your life.  

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