The Gray Divorce Podcast: Episode 79 How to Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce with Alexandra Geczi

Andrew Hatherley |

In this episode, Andrew welcomes Alexandra Geczi, a Dallas-based certified mediator and collaborative law attorney. Alex guides clients through one of life’s toughest transitions with confidence and clarity.

Together, Andrew and Alex unpack the six essential steps for initiating the divorce conversation—without turning it into a battle.

The Six-Step Approach

  1. Reflect and Gain Clarity 
    Before you speak, be absolutely sure of your decision. Alex emphasizes emotional and physical self-checks—sometimes what feels like a marital issue may be tied to health or hormonal changes. She also notes that therapy or discernment counseling can help you determine whether reconciliation is possible.
     
  2. Choose the Right Time and Place 
    Privacy and safety are key. Avoid high-stress periods or emotionally charged moments. Whether at home when kids are out, or in a neutral public setting, the goal is calm, uninterrupted communication—not confrontation.
     
  3. Communicate with Compassion 
    Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements (“I feel we’ve grown apart” vs. “You never listen to me”). Avoid blame and accusations. Stay calm, even if your spouse reacts with anger or threats. Knowledge and preparation will help you stay centered.
     
  4. Be Honest—but Don’t Overwhelm 
    Honesty doesn’t mean oversharing logistics right away. Don’t unload details about lawyers, housing, or finances in the first conversation. Give your spouse time to process the emotional impact before introducing the practical aspects.
     
  5. Discuss Next Steps (When Ready) 
    Alex encourages viewing this as a series of talks, not a single event. Once emotions settle, couples can begin to explore process options—amicable divorce, mediation, or collaborative law—rather than jumping straight to litigation.
     
  6. Allow Space and Time 
    Both partners need to process what’s been said. Rushing into negotiations or legal decisions too soon can cause more harm than good. Step back, reflect, and educate yourself before moving forward.

Amicable Paths Forward

Alex highlights the benefits of amicable divorce and collaborative law, noting that litigation often escalates conflict unnecessarily. Amicable processes prioritize resolution, emotional safety, and long-term family well-being.

Key Takeaways

  • Clarity before conversation is critical
  • Compassion and calm communication can prevent escalation
  • Avoid threats and emotional traps by staying informed
  • Don’t overload your spouse; start small and build understanding
  • Think in conversations, not confrontations
  • Time and emotional space are your allies in reaching a peaceful resolution

Resources