The Gray Divorce Podcast: Episode 88 Divorce with Respect Week with The Collaborative Law Institute of MN

Andrew Hatherley |

 In this special panel episode, Andrew sits down with three experienced Collaborative Law professionals to unpack the structure, philosophy, and real-world benefits of collaborative divorce.

Together, they explain how this interdisciplinary model replaces courtroom conflict with teamwork — aligning legal, financial, and emotional support around one shared goal: helping families transition with dignity and clarity.  

What Is Collaborative Divorce?

Collaborative divorce is a structured legal process (Capital C, Capital L) where both spouses:

  • Each hire specially trained collaborative attorneys
  • Sign a participation agreement committing to resolve issues out of court
  • Work with neutral professionals (financial and/or mental health)
  • Agree that if the case goes to litigation, both attorneys must withdraw

That final point creates powerful accountability — keeping everyone focused on settlement rather than courtroom escalation.  

The Team Approach: Why It Works

Unlike traditional litigation, collaborative divorce is interdisciplinary.

The team may include:

  1. Two Collaborative Attorneys – Advocating and advising each spouse
  2. One Financial Neutral – Gathering and organizing financial information for both parties
  3. One Family Specialist / Therapist Neutral – Supporting communication, emotional regulation, and (if needed) parenting plans

This structure prevents duplication of work, reduces confusion, and allows each professional to operate within their area of expertise.  

Is Collaborative Divorce More Expensive?

One of the biggest misconceptions about collaborative divorce is cost.

While it involves multiple professionals, it often saves money by:

  • Eliminating duplicated financial discovery
  • Reducing attorney conflict hours
  • Avoiding court appearances
  • Streamlining communication

As discussed in the episode, national data suggests collaborative cases typically cost far less than fully litigated divorces — though every case depends on complexity, conflict level, and communication quality.  

The Role of Emotional and Parenting Support

One powerful element of collaborative divorce is the inclusion of a neutral therapist.

Brian Burns explains this role:

  • Coaches couples through high-conflict communication
  • Helps create thoughtful parenting plans
  • Gives children — even adult children — a voice in the process
  • Reduces fear-driven decision-making

In gray divorce cases, adult children may not need custody schedules, but they are often deeply impacted emotionally — an area frequently overlooked in traditional legal processes.  

Financial Transparency Without the Tug-of-War

Michelle Leisen describes how acting as a financial neutral:

  • Centralizes document collection
  • Prevents duplicate discovery costs
  • Ensures both parties operate from the same financial data
  • Provides clarity on complex issues like retirement accounts and support

This transparency often lowers suspicion and reduces escalation — a common source of litigation costs.  

Education First: Choosing the Right Process

A key theme of the conversation is education.

Many couples automatically “lawyer up” without understanding alternative dispute resolution options like:

  • Mediation
  • Collaborative Divorce
  • Arbitration models
  • Amicable divorce frameworks

As Andrew emphasizes, choosing the right process first can dramatically shape the experience and outcome.  

Divorce with Respect Week (March 1–8)

This episode highlights Divorce with Respect Week, a nationwide initiative created to raise awareness of collaborative divorce.

Participating professionals across the country offer free 30-minute consultations during this week to educate couples about their options.

To find participating professionals by state:

Key Takeaways

  • Collaborative divorce is a formal, structured legal process — not just “being nice.”
  • The team approach reduces duplication, confusion, and conflict.
  • Emotional coaching is often the missing piece in traditional divorce.
  • Adult children are significantly impacted in gray divorce cases.
  • Education about process options is critical before hiring an attorney.
  • Litigation has its place — but it shouldn’t be the automatic default.

Final Thoughts

Divorce is always a legal process — but it doesn’t have to be a war.

Collaborative divorce offers an alternative path grounded in transparency, professional teamwork, and respect.

As Andrew reminds listeners, the first step isn’t hiring the toughest attorney — it’s understanding your options.

Knowledge is power — especially in divorce.  

Resources & Contact Information

Janna Hefty – Collaborative Family Law Attorney 
(Search via Divorce with Respect Week directory) or www.collaborativedivorcecalifornia.com

Michelle Leisen – Certified Divorce Financial Analyst 
Website: www.mydivorcesmart.com

Brian Burns – Marriage & Family Therapist 
Email: brian@mnrelationshiprepair.com 
Website: www.mnrelationshiprepair.com

International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) 
www.collaborativepractice.com